looped
2005-12-05||1:33 a.m.
When I was nine years old I was convinced I was clinically insane. I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want them to send me away, so I just kept my secret to myself. This is about the time my life spun out of control. Nine years old. Today we went to the SF Museum of Modern Art and there were a few Matisse paintings there. I had the strangest flashbacks when I looked at them to a time when I was nine and I was looking through my mom’s art books. All of his abstract representations and cutouts of blue ladies suddenly made perfect sense to me and I felt so calm looking through those books. All of a sudden my world made perfect sense. I tried to explain this to my brother and he told me I was crazy and if I ever told anyone else then he would send me to an asylum. I never opened those books again. I’ve seen Matisse works since then, but today for some reason it all came flooding back to me. I swear the figures started to move. Ha. Sometimes I still think I might be crazy…but maybe it’s not such a bad thing.
EK wants to be addicted to crack. Or heroin. She can’t decide. She wants to be a teenage mother and be an alcoholic and have an eating disorder and be an orphan. She wants to be dirt poor and come from a red state and be allergic to tasty foods and be homeless. Pretty much, she’s explained to me, she wants to come from a background of horrible conditions so that she has good material for essays. I told her to fuck herself and be happy she came from a good family. Basically that was it.
Calvin & Hobbes